I will get it done. I will get it done.
Mantra for 2012.
One chapter draft down, two more chapters to go. Difficult to feel grounded in the work as long as I’m in this city– need to get up to the Bay so I can do my research, start living and breathing it. Until then, it’s just an abstract thing that needs to happen, but the urgency isn’t there.
Birthday next week. Big party for a landmark birthday. Bittersweet (always, now) as the day following is my Lolo’s death anniversary. I think after this year, I’m moving my birthday to June.
New year, big birthday have been cause for rethinking priorities, re-evaluating relationships with everyone–family, friends, partner. Of all things, I am still amazed by the generosity of friends that I hardly see, and did not think I was close with any more. I moved around so much — as a child, as an adult– that it is hard to stay in touch and to remain close with people the same way, I imagine, it is for those that have stayed stable. I guess I live in the moment– making friendships fast with those nearby me. But, as I am reminded now and again, it’s not always the ones that are the most immediately present that are the ones to keep close. There is just something about graduate school, especially, that has lead to a lot of friendship disappointments or too-high expectations that aren’t ever quite met. It’s time to reassess and re-evaluate, I guess is all I mean to say. Cherish what is valuable, let go of what pulls down.
This post is so melancholy. Strange, because I’ve been doing pretty well. It must just be one of those mornings.
